


Love, Sex, Corn

by truantway (kittyjosh)



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Corny, Erotic Poetry, Established Relationship, Improvised Sex Toys, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Multiple Penetration, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 03:15:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1924626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyjosh/pseuds/truantway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Out in the field when the first has been born<br/>Folks sing a song, song of the corn<br/>Late in the day when the secrets are sworn<br/>Folks tell a tale, tale of the corn</p><p>I heard a commotion one late afternoon<br/>Someone was singing a funeral tune<br/>As I lay watching them hoist up the cross<br/>Something was burning, something was lost</p><p>Could you believe what the scarecrow had seen<br/>Folks come to fall down to their knees<br/>Rumors of strangers been buried alive<br/>Black bats and barnyards send chills at my spine</p><p>Song of the corn- The Coral</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love, Sex, Corn

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is dedicated to my internet friend/madre (she wishes to remain unnamed), who requested I write this fic and helped me with it. The fic is unbeta'd but I am pretty good with grammar when I'm actually trying so it should turn out alright.  
> Just FYI this is an AU where neither of them are married ok their wives are total babes and this is not meant to do them any harm.
> 
> Disclaimer: This never happened. it is using real people but the events are not real.

Holy crap Pete was buzzed.

Despite many fans insisting to the contrary, he was in fact getting old, and he just couldn't move like he used to. One time a few weeks back, he tried to do a tornado kick off the drum rise and threw his back in. But not being able to use the boundless energy didn't mean it went away, far from it. He would come off the stage still thrumming with energy.

This, combined with the fact that he hadn't had sex in almost 2 weeks was making him fucking unbearable.

'Pete you need to calm down' Andy told him as they packed up. Pete couldn't see his expression behind his sunglasses but he probably looked really fucking done. Only Patrick seemed to realize there was something else to it. As they head out to face the fans, he leaned over and whispered in Pete's ear.

'You know it's a hotel night tonight. If I'm reading the vibes you're giving off right, I think I can give you what you need.' If Pete was reading the tone in Patrick's voice right, Patrick was completely right. Two weeks, and they hadn't managed to salvage even 5 minutes of alone time. Patrick made his head quieter, put him at ease, even though the thought of what he did to accomplish that put Pete on edge. Sweet baby jesus that's hot.

Pete tried to tone down the 'small child that recently ingested a candy factory' vibe until he unlocked the door to the hotel room they were sharing for the night, slipping the keycard into the back pocket of his jeans. At that point, Patrick tossed his bag into the room, grabbed Pete by the shoulders, and pushed him through and against the door. As soon as the lock clicked, Patrick's lips were on his lips, Patrick's hands gracing his body fervently. He kissed down his jawline to his neck, biting down, making Pete groan. He kissed a trail back up to Pete's ear, thumbs hooking into the belt loops in his jeans as he whispered

'I got something special for you, for being such a good boy and waiting so long.' He led Pete over to the bed and ordered him to strip off. Pete knelt down on the clean white bedspread and watched as Patrick produced 3 items from his backpack. A condom, lube and a pair of black leather handcuffs. Nothing Pete hadn't seen before. Patrick must have seen the doubt in his eyes, as he glanced at the handcuffs and chuckled.

'No, these aren't the surprise. It's something much better than that.' He fastened the cuffs around Pete's wrists, stretching his arms up over his head. He proceeded to leave a trail of kisses down Pete's body, fingers grasping his hips so hard he knew they would leave bruises. He stopped at Pete's inner thighs, motioning for him to flip over and onto his hands and knees. 'Stay right there, don't turn around.' Patrick commanded. Pete felt the bed shift as Patrick got up. He heard the zip of a backpack as Patrick retrieved something and headed back towards the bed. He placed whatever it was down on the bed next to him, and Pete strained to get a look. There was a sudden burn as Patrick slapped him, right across his thighs.

'No looking.' He murmured sternly. Pete nodded and turned back around. He heard the tell-tale pop of the lube being opened, and moments later felt two of Patrick's fingers at his entrance. He let out a deep sigh as they pushed in, and he couldn't help but thrust back into them.

'Such a fucking slut, so desperate for this.' In Patrick's voice, it sounded like the highest of compliments. He kept playing with him, scissoring his fingers, before adding another one and finally curling them to hit Pete's prostate. Pete let out an uncontrollable moan at this, and whimpered 'Please'

'Please what?' was the only reply.

'Please sir, fuck, please fuck me.' he begged. He felt Patrick's breath hitch at this, and hissed as he removed his fingers. Pete could only close his eyes and wait until he felt the head of Patrick's cock brushing up against him. He tried to relax as Patrick pushed in, just slowly enough. Once his hips were flush with Pete's ass, he started thrusting, going faster and deeper each time. By now both of them were moaning, and after a while, Patrick leaned over and whispered in Pete's ear

'I think you're ready.' Ready for what?

'Ready for what?'

Patrick leaned over, still thrusting inside Pete, and grabbed whatever was lying next to him. Pete turned around and when he saw it, he let out an uncontrollable moan.

** A FUCKIG N CORN COB **

**SWEET BABY JE** SUS YE S

Pete gasped and watched with lustful eyes as Patrick  **lubed up the FUCKIGn corn cob nad SHOVED IT UP PETE'S ASS NEXT TO HIS DONGLE**

**YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Patrick thrust the golden yellow corn in time with his hips, before  **startign TO SING FER _GALICISOUS, PETE'S no.1_  fav SONG EVER.**

This was all just too hot for Pete, who sccreamed out 'PATRICK' before blowin his load  **all over those clean white sheets fUC K THE CLEANERS ARE SO GONNA SELLT HESE ON THE INTERNET FUUUUUUUCKCCKCKCKCKCK**

But Patrick  **couldn't stopp he just kept on fuckin that corn in out in out oh baby yeah and what's that it's _another corn Patrick whips out anther corn n SHOVES IT UP PETES ASS OH YEAH BABY HOT HOT TAMALE_**

Pete was oversensitive he cried out in pain but Patrick kept producing _more corns_ _where the **fuck  **is he getting all these corns//?//?!?!_

There have gotta be at least ten corn cobs up Pete's ass now oh shit what was that sound **oh FUCKOHHFUCKFUOCKFICUCOOHCUFKC THERE IS BLOOD EVERYWHERE SHIT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HOLY _SHIT_**

Patrick pulls out and backs away but it's too late **Pete is dead he is FUCKIGN D EAD DEATH BY CORN SEX THAT'S GONNA BE A LAUGH TO PUT ON HIS GRAVE**

Here lies Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III

1979-2014

died bc Patrick shoved TEN FUCKIGNF CORN COBS  **UP HIS ASS WHAT AN IDIOT**

 

 

Oh shit. They have clearly made so much noise the other dudes have realized something is so wrong suddenly there is a cumcurdling cry of ' **XVX' and the door smashes open.** Andy stands there with a huge fuckin ax where did he even get that jesus christ

Joe stands behind him, and when he sees the sight before him, he just shakes his head.

'Not again' he murmurs and walks away grumbling. Andy looks rly confused who can blame him really he has just witnessed corn sex murder u don't see that every day.

'Hey Andy' Patrick calls from his spot in the corner 'can you help me with this dead fuckin body m8 we can't just leave it here.'

'Sure we can.'

'No way help me throw him out the window.'

'Sure but he gotta go out in style.'

 

An hour later, Pete is naked (except the crown bedecking his huge forehead), soaked in gasoline, with 1,000 helium balloons tied to his backpack. There is a rope attached to his foot, which Patrick is holding diligently. Andy returns with a box of matches and a machete. 'Why do u even have all this stuff in your bag?' Patrick asks, gesturing to Pete's naked form and the empty tanks of helium behind them.

'I live my life one yolo at a time' Andy replies. Patrick sees no flaw in this reasoning, simply nodding his head and glancing around to see if anyone was watching this extraordinary spectacle. Satisfied that they were safe, he takes a match, lights it, and tosses it at Pete. Pete immediately goes up in flames. Andy steps forward and severs the rope with his huge machete why does he even have that Patrick is kinda scared and kinda turned on. They both step back and watch as Pete ascends into the sky, probably going to emo heaven or smth.

'XVX' says Andy wistfully after a few minutes, heading back inside. Patrick stays, watching Pete's naked burning form against the pitch night sky, brighter than any star visible from the bright lights of the city.

'D to the E to the L I C I O U S' he raps soulfully

sad piano music plays in the background. 

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> There was a little town in Texas,  
> It was as small as it could be.  
> They grew a very special plant,  
> The plant was called corn.  
> Corn corn corn corny corn.  
> It was really corny.  
> And when they had a farmers market,  
> they sold an awesome crop.  
> They always sold corn corn corn  
> Corn corny corny corn  
> (and sometimes zucchini)
> 
> The corn song- Youtube user kittycape32


End file.
